


Painting Breeches on the Sistine Chapel

by jellybeanforest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cap-Ironman Bingo, Comedy, Established Relationship, M/M, america's ass, low stakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest
Summary: Tony is on a mission to correct past wrongs.For the Cap-IronMan Bingo 2019 Round 2 – Free Space.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 103
Collections: Captain America/Iron Man Bingo





	Painting Breeches on the Sistine Chapel

“Throw up the reference, J., and I want it expanded by 500% then enhanced to your highest possible resolution,” Tony tells his AI assistant. J.A.R.V.I.S. does as asked, but still, Tony is unsatisfied by the result. “Can’t we go a bit better on the finer details?”

J.A.R.V.I.S. may have sighed, or perhaps it was just the sound of the air conditioning kicking in, but the picture sharpens, becomes more defined.

Tony hums his approval. “Excellent. Now, calculate the curvature of the target surface.”

“Is this really necessary, sir? I can pull up the specifications of the last set you designed. The appropriate parameters have been logged into my database.”

“You can’t rush art. You saw what happened with the Gen 1 model, what it did to him. I’m not making that mistake again, so it’s a complete tear-down and rebuild from the original scans of the underlying structure,” Tony insists as J.A.R.V.I.S. renders the requested mathematical model and generates an image of a potential prototype. Tony rotates the mock-up, looking at the sculpted surfaces from all sides before turning a critical eye to the specs. “Let’s up the elastane content by 3.2%, and be sure to account for the divot here and the increased volume here and here,” he brushes fingers against the image, letting them linger for a few seconds more than is appropriate.

“Sir, you may want to consider the… aesthetics of your design choices.” J.A.R.V.I.S. is diplomatic as he attempts to reason with the man. “These modifications may be considered ill-advised.”

“I’ve already failed him once before. I refuse to do so again,” Tony declares, nodding at the spec, sufficiently pleased with the prototype. “Looking good, J. Now let’s try a darker shade of blue this time.”

He watches the paint process then gives his final verdict, “Perfect. I like it. Fabricate it.”

J.A.R.V.I.S. sounds resigned. “Estimated completion time is twenty minutes.”

…

“How’s the new outfit, Cap?” Tony asks him days later after Steve has had a chance to try it out.

Steve visibly brightens in his boyfriend’s presence. “Great, Tony. It’s almost like a second skin. It doesn’t hinder movement in the field while still providing protection from various scrapes and bruises.”

“Good to hear.”

“But, um… about the pants.”

“You like?” Tony beams. He is most proud about how those had turned out. “Well, you’re welcome. I had to completely redesign those for maximum durability and flexibility. You’ll find them a better fit, too.”

 _Significantly better._ Tony had checked, by both sight _and_ touch.

“Yeah. About that,” Steve looks him directly in the eye to gauge his reaction. “I think they distracted Batroc the Leaper during our brawl. I usually can’t put him down so fast, and while I was handcuffing him to the support beam for the clean-up crew, he asked if I was doing anything later… after he broke out of prison, of course.”

That gives Tony pause. “…So, what I’m hearing is that your new uniform enabled you to be more effective and efficient in the field by distracting the enemy. I’m still counting that as a win.”

“The other operatives are finding my pants distracting as well,” Steve continues, crossing his arms. “Fury had to conduct another ‘sexual harassment in the workplace’ seminar. He insists it’s not about me but in such a way that says it is specifically and undeniably about my outfit though Linda from HR must have told him he couldn’t single me out.”

“You’re a very attractive man, Cap. You’ve always turned a few heads, but I fail to see how all that can be traced to–”

“He then complimented my pants. Pointedly. Making direct, meaningful eye contact.”

“Ah.” Can’t argue with that side-eye, especially since Fury only had the one eye and had to be judicious in how he used it.

“Yeah… so, I really appreciate all the work you put into the redesign, but I think I’m going to go back to wearing my old uniform.”

“Wait! Steve…” Tony reaches out to clasp his bicep, and _damn is Steve strong_. He gives it a squeeze then gives himself a mental shake and stiff reprimand for getting sidetracked from more important matters. Now is not the time. The fate of a national treasure is on the line. “I had to do it. Your old uniform did nothing for your ass.”

Steve’s face sours. “Nobody told you to look, Tony.”

That’s not what Steve said last night. Still–

“It was ridiculous, almost criminal how much was hidden from the world,” Tony insists. “I simply helped unlock your full potential.”

“…Really?” The man quirks up a single eyebrow, his voice incredulous.

“It’s a very nice ass – downright perfect – and you can’t just cover up a veritable masterpiece like that. Does history sympathize with the many popes who demanded clothing be painted over the nudes of the Sistine Chapel? I think not. I only wanted to be on the right side of hist–”

“Are we still talking about how the pants you designed for me leave so little to the imagination, it’s been unofficially categorized as a workplace hazard?”

But Tony is on a roll. “You’re asking me to commit a sin comparable to painting breeches on Michaelangelo’s Last Judgement. The world never forgave Daniele de Volterra for the deed. You know what his nickname is?”

“Big Pants,” Steve replies. “I am aware of art history, Tony, and I paid attention to that private tour of the Sistine Chapel we took last year.”

“ _Il Braghettone_ , the breeches maker. Decent artist in his day, might have even saved Michaelangelo’s frescoes from the sledgehammer through his actions, but he’s still infamous for the deed. Italy has not forgotten. The world has not–”

“I’m simply asking for a little public modesty,” he interjects, cutting off Tony’s diatribe. “Besides, I only want one man to see my ass in such detail, in high definition no less.”

“…Jesus?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “No, you jerk.” He steps in close, pulling Tony to him. “Now kiss me, and maybe design me some real pants. You can make my ass look good without violating the laws of good taste, right?”

Tony closes the distance between their lips in response, kissing him deeply, his hands gravitating to Steve’s ass for a firm squeeze. Steve jumps a bit, breaking their kiss, but Tony holds him steady.

“You think we can keep the uniform for the bedroom?” Tony murmurs, breath puffed against Steve’s lips still so close to his own.

“Anything for you, sweetheart,” Steve says, nearly breathless, but he thinks better of giving his boyfriend carte blanche, adding, “Within reason.”

**Author's Note:**

> We are coming to the end of Stony Bingo, so some of my longer prompts have been pushed to either the next round or other challenges after January 31st in favor of my quest for a blackout. So, if you enjoyed this bit of ridiculousness, please let me know.


End file.
